Still Figuring It Out

Remember when you were a kid, and someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Well, I wanted to be a teacher, just so I could write on blackboards and check homework. And that was the whole reason. That's how a 5 or 6-year-old thinks! Of course, that's not why you actually become a teacher, and being one is far from easy. But when you're little, you just want to be whatever brings you joy, without any logic or reason behind it. Life is easy when you are kid. Your dreams are simple, ones that make you happy. And you know, it was a very serious dream of mine. For a long time, I really wanted to be a teacher. I’m not sure when that dream faded, but I definitely understand why it did. Growing up, you often find yourself living in the shadow of your parents and wanting to follow in their footsteps. Since mine were doctors, I felt I should become a doctor too, without really considering if I was genuinely interested. Well, what can you expect. I was a diligent and obedient student, so I thought I could become a doctor, save lives, and be happy. That was the plan. (As we all know not everything goes according to plan). However, the one thing I didn’t account for was whether I was truly interested. And very soon enough I realized that this path wasn’t for me. Even if I tried harder, I would only be setting myself up for failure because you can only give 100% to things you are genuinely passionate about even if you fail. And you giving up at the right time for the right thing is always the best option.

I spent a lot of time feeling confused and lost, with no clear ambition or direction. I explored countless things, one at a time. I wanted to be an interior designer, I wanted to code, I wanted to bake, I wanted to work in fashion, and a lot of other things. I struggled to find my niche and often felt like I was good for nothing. I felt so lost and exhausted. I was chasing degrees I didn’t even care about, just because I didn’t want to fall behind. Everyone around me seemed to have it all figured out, they knew what they wanted, where they were going, and how to get there. And there I was, stuck in the same place, pretending I had direction when deep down I was just confused. It’s such a heavy feeling, watching everyone move forward while you’re standing still, unsure of what you truly want or who you’re supposed to be.

But here's something I've learned the hard way: if you don't explore your surroundings and take the risk of learning new skills, with the fear of failure, you'll remain stuck. No matter how many times you fail, you need to find a way that works for you. It might take longer than expected, but if you stay true to yourself and keep working hard, you'll move closer to where you want to be.

I’m still a work in progress, and that’s okay. I didn’t become any of those things I set out to be, but I allowed myself to explore, and now I know those paths weren't for me. I'm a little proud of myself for having tried.

I'm still figuring things out, but not aimlessly. Whatever I do now, I do with passion, without fear of failure, because I know that even if I fail, I’ll cry for a bit (a few breakdowns are part of the process) and bounce back and that's how dreams are made. Dreams give you hope, and hope is the shield that keeps you going. So never let your dreams die. Every day is a step closer to them. Your dreams shouldn't feel like a burden; they should bring you joy and lightness, like when you were a kid. No matter how big or small your dreams are, they are worth pursuing. I don’t have just one specific dream in life, I have many. And I’m taking my time to fulfil them, not rushing just to be done.

What I’ve come to realize is that what I feel passionate about today might not be the same thing that drives me tomorrow. As I grow older, my priorities and dreams may shift, and that’s perfectly okay. Changing ambitions isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a natural part of growth. It means I’m evolving, seeing the world through new eyes, and embracing different perspectives. I just have to keep moving forward.